Work and emotions - do they go together?

Do you shed tears at the cinema? Do you want to enjoy touching commercials? Do you get teary-eyed at parting, when you bump your toe, when you hear a sad song? You are not the only one, there are people who are simply affected by every little thing and the tears flow by themselves. And while Olympic champions and Oscar winners can still somehow get away with teary eyes in public, most of the others are better off crying anywhere, except at work...

Until recently, tears at work were as illegal and career-damaging as a mini-skirt. Allowing yourself tears was a sign of extreme unprofessionalism and immaturity.

Work and tears - are they tolerated today?

According to a Careerbuilder survey in the US, emotional intelligence is increasingly important to companies. 59% of companies would not hire a person with higher IQ than EQ, the candidate with higher EQ will have an advantage. A good manager has a high degree of empathy and will not interpret your tears as a sign of weakness, but as a sign of great passion and devotion to work, since tears at work are mostly the result of frustration and not grief.

In her book Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead, Sheryl Sandberg talks about her tears at work and how, after crying in front of Mark Zuckerberg, their relationship reached a new level: "Sharing emotions builds deeper relationships." We are motivated if we do things we love and with people we care about." Emotions guide both women and men and influence all our decisions. If we respect them and are ready to talk about them, it makes us better managers, partners and colleagues. We work more and more and the boundaries between private and business life are getting thinner, life is life, regardless of whether it is life at work or at home.

In research for her book It's always personal: Navigating emotions in the workplace, Anne Kreamer found that 41% of women and 9% of men at all levels of management cried at work and it did not have a negative impact on their career. Women cry more because of biology, we have 6 times more prolactin, the hormone associated with crying, than men. Kreamer also found that women often shy away from tears at work in order to better fit into the male-dominated business world, and that women are more judgmental of women who shed tears at work than men.

Work and tears - not always though

You definitely don't want to be called "the one who cries all the time". Tears should also not be used to get what you want or if you cannot handle criticism otherwise. In that case, it's better to cry in the toilet.

Tears also have no place in a job interview or in communication with clients. Empathy and tear-inducing togetherness among colleagues is something different from client relationships.

It should not be surprising, but such an outpouring of emotions is a problem for many employees around the world. Experts from the American Association of Management AAIM, which deals with training and education of business people, claim that crying at work can have negative consequences for your career. This can mean career breakdown and it is more dangerous if you are in a higher position.

Tears at work are most often interpreted as a sign of weakness, which entails many undesirable conclusions about a person, especially if you are a woman. And while, for example, anger is acceptable in some work environments, crying is nowhere.

How to deal with emotions

It is therefore very important for professionals to learn to control stressful and disappointing situations, as this is also part of professional development. Here are some ways to better deal with emotions at work:

Prepare for difficult situations

If you know that you have to attend a meeting that day that will be very sensitive or you know that you will have to face a complex situation, prepare earlier. Define the arguments in advance, and if possible present them all to a trusted friend. The better prepared you are, the less chance you have of something throwing you off track to the point of tears.

Don't get into conflicts

If you've been passed over for a raise this time around, or you've been transferred out of your office for 'higher reasons', wait a bit before running to your superior's office to protest.

I won't really cry this time!

Take some time to process all your emotions and think rationally about what you want to say. This will certainly prevent an emotional disaster in front of the boss, and you will create a professional rather than an emotional problem out of the case.

Develop your own self-defense mechanisms

It's not easy to blow off steam in a few square meters of closed office space, but you can always get some fresh air, walk up and down, take a deep breath, jump in the air - anything that triggers in stressful situations when you're in a tearful state. Whether you can go outside or not, excuse yourself for a moment, go at least to the second floor, have a drink, take a breath. Or simply retire to your office for a few minutes, until you calm down a bit.

Take a break when the rush is on

If you have a killer yes, or feel totally out of whack and need a good cry, listen to your feelings and act on them. This means that you can transfer part of the work of such a busy day to the next day, and talk about it with your boss. Everyone has a day when they just don't go their way. When a day like this hits you, do yourself a favor and take some time to cool down...

Find out what stops your tears

If you cry easily, it is necessary to determine what exactly stops your tears when they threaten your eyes. Maybe it's the thought of some funny situation, maybe you just need to pinch yourself, or drink a glass of cold water. Most people have some sort of personal 'stop button'. Make her aware before it's too late.

And finally, if you've already cried in front of a colleague or boss, don't worry. Showing emotions once is not the end of the world. In this case, it is best to go to the person with whom you shared the tears and talk calmly about what happened. This will restore faith in you and give you the opportunity to face a specific problem more calmly.

Therefore, choose the job ad as wisely as the job itself. Not all jobs are equal, but we are here to help you find the right job for you!